He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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