at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
