i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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