I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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