don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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