Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
