the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
