doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
