If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
