That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
