We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize