I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I love you.
Bad choice
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