I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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