At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
