I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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