We won't sleep together?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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