dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
