i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
