You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
