Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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