Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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