You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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