I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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