6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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