I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize