I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
