Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
