Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
