My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
