We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
