I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
