Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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