i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
