i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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