You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need a beard to bite.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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