I think I won the penis lottery.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
