You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
