watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
