Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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