So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
