no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
