sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
