I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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