As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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