i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
