i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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