he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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