I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
