Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
