Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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