what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
