The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
