And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
