i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
