Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
