She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
