Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
