Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
