but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize