what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
