Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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