Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
