he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
