what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
