I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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