Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize